Sunday, April 12, 2009

Then There Were Flowers

I



Winds gusted, twirled and slid across flat gray lands stretching past the horizon in every direction. The local star appeared to change position, sweeping across the sky. Taller clumps of snow cast shadows across shorter clumps.

There was no pain or loneliness because there were no creatures to feel pain or loneliness or happiness or anything else. No one marveled at pale skies marked with smooth shiftings of feathery cirrus clouds 15 miles above. Hurtling ice chunks smashed no one's frost-bitten face and afternoon sun rays warmed no one's back.

And then there was water.

And then there were flowers.




II



blue, red, yellow, red, blue, blue...

a fuzzy arctic bumblebee moves between blooms

red, red, red, white, yellow...

More hairy little bees zip in between blooms and an initially overwhelming buzzing fades to quiet; a busy quiet; a frantic, chaotic quiet.

shadows zip, zip, zipping across tundra grasses

a zillion bumblebees vibrating over a bramble of violet flowers

bees wanting pollen, flowers giving pollen, bees spreading pollen

flowers using the bees
bees using the flowers

One taking as much as the other can give, the only wrong a bee could do is ignore the vibrant flowers.

yellow, orange, pink...

duller flowers are visited less often and wilting flowers not at all

red, blue, yellow, red...

Darkness encroaches, flowers fade to grayish and the satisfied little arctic bumblebees go home.




III



Flittering, twittering, then a snap and the fluffy parachute seed zooms into a murky sky ocean filled with tiny, swift particles.

It zips low across barren prairie, bouncing over blackened ground where a red-orange-yellow-white ember had popped, flared and ignited a quilt. Timbers had turned to heaps of charcoal sticks, heavy drapes to flapping ash webs, children to bones. Nails patterned with bluish-black rainbows dimly glint the day.

Onward goes the seed, between grass blades, over dwindling snowdrifts, into the sweat of a charging bull-moose. Mushy thud of collision and the bull falls down forever with a broken skull. Sweat evaporates and the parachute pod is freed, tumbling smoothly away from the twilight sun.

---

Though surrounded by tiny swift particles of dust, moisture and much more, an observer's eye is usually unable to focus on the billions of nearby vagabonds (some mere millimeters away) giving an illusion of emptiness in the vast ocean. An illusion ruined when the observer is struck by a seed whooshing along at 45 miles per hour.

And so the seed zoomed up a cliff through a narrow rocky canyon and into a black dot in the middle of a gold-flecked brown eye on the right side of a ram's dirty-white face, the tiny wooden seed pod embedding deeply into soft pupil. Right eye blinded, the panicked ram is unable to defend his flank effectively and the wolf-pack sates their lingering winter starvation. Full-throated scream-shrieks echo through the canyon.

Steaming arterial blood squirts rhythmically in weakening spurts from the ram's neck, washing through the eye, down pinkening face, sucked into and spattered out of flaring nostrils, gathering at the mouth and nose's edge then splashing down in full, quivering drops. The seed is washed into a muddy pool of blood, bile and mucus, and licked up. The seed takes a quick journey through the stomach and intestines of a wolf and the wolf takes a quick journey through canyons and down mountain trails. While the satisfied pack sleeps too soundly, another attacks. The seed is expelled from the bowels of a fitfully dying host.

Growing readily in blood softened soil and fresh fertilizer, the seed's roots slip into the land, absorbing melted frost. A green sprout erupts into flowery bloom and becomes a delicate white crown of fluffy parachute pods.

The ocean continues its cyclic south-eastern rush.




IV



Flowers and tundra grass fill stomachs as the elk herd walks and grazes. A few stomachs are fuller, less graceful, moving slower, more heavily with babies knit from last year's flowers and tundra grasses.

A hole is found in melting lake ice, splashing and guzzling of elk ruptures the silence while an almost mother plods away from the group and leans against a giant stone.

She breathes heavily, flexing and straining, flexing and straining, in rhythm with her breathing, flexing and straining, stretching and pushing, more and more, more and more, flexing and straining, the head is sliding out, stretching and pushing and it's out. Shivers spasm in waves through her body for a long moment and then she's biting the amniotic sac off of her baby, making sure her baby can breath, licking the after-birth off her gooshy-crusty detritus covered baby, cleaning her soaked baby, prodding her drying baby.

A new mother walks back to an excited herd with her wobbling, springing, dancing baby.



V



Torn deep from the ground millions of years ago by a glacier, the stone was carried hundreds of miles south. The glacier melted and set the stone heavily into place beside a deep lake it had carved then filled. And thus the giant stone had sat there since before the world's oldest tree sprouted, before any building made by any creature, longer than most species had existed.

In spring and summer the stone warmed slowly. Plants sprouted from the crevices on top, seeded and fertilized by northbound birds. Animals rested against it, treasuring the warmth. Autumn storms blew high waves from the lake and onto the stone. The waves would freeze in spectacular feathered icicle bridges and during dark months, the stone was part of the glacier again. Then the water melted and the cycle repeated. Each year, the cracks in the stone were a little deeper from water that dripped into crevices then froze and expanded, melted and contracted, water droplets breaking down the mighty stone from the inside.

The stone was that morning as it had been the days before. An elk gave birth, birds sat, grasses grew and a northern cold front moved south. Winds picked up, clouds turned day to midnight, and chilly rain soaked everything. The early summer ice storm howled, the temperatures dropped far, far below freezing, the fallen rain crystallizing quickly.

Elk shivered and died in place, unable to break away from the ground. A new calf froze while nursing, rocking forward and back a few times then closing its eyes. Birds fell over and tumbled, bouncing off of the herd and across the tundra. Frozen petals vibrated, broke and shot into the sky. Naked corpses of shattered flowers snapped and chased after the birds. Bumblebees and other ice encrusted insects fell dead, down with the sleet-rain they fell.

Rain drops flooded the stone's crevices and froze from the outside inward. Deep shattering, breaking, releasing, popping, crackings exploded out over the storm's massive noise and the great stone collapsed into a hundred-thousand craggy, multi-colored pieces.

---

Animals would scavenge the birds and elk. Water would continue breaking down the stone's remnants into gravel and then dirt.

There would be flowers.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

4 quarters, no sales tax

Today was the best lucky day ever!

It started when I bought 4 quarters from a cashier lady for a dollar and she didn't charge me any taxes. Not even state taxes!

I walked up and asked to buy 4 quarters and she said that 4 quarters cost a dollar. And I am smart so I know that the state sales tax is 7% and so the quarters should have cost one dollar and seven cents but she would not take the 7 pennies.

It was my lucky happy day!

Then I told Mawmaw Renson (she is not actually my mother but that is what I call her because she has been so kind to me since before I was born) and she said it was good what happened and then she bought me fudge ice cream to celebrate. While I ate ice cream she told me that I will get to stay at her house for many days. I like her house. It smells like ivory soap and ivory soap is clean!

I usually stay with my mother but lately she has been tired a lot and is getting fixed by nurses today while I spend quality time with mawmaw.

OHH I almost forgot the other best part.

Me and mawmaw then went and I got to get a suit. Like the ones lawyers wear on Law and Order but black and not gray. Mister Tailor said that I am lucky to be so big and strong for someone as old as I am with my "condition". Thirty-five is not that old I thought. He also said that I am a brave young man and looked sad. First he calls me old and than young. VERY ODD!

So after getting the black, 65% wool/ 35% cotton suit we came back home and I made my drawings and I wrote this story of my very best day for you.

It has been quite the day and my eyes aren't staying open anymore. GOOD NIGHT!

Sunday, February 3, 2008

my attempt to retell a famous fable

my attempt to retell a famous fable

The Ant and the Grasshopper

In a field one summer's day a Grasshopper was hopping about, chirping and singing to its heart's content. An Ant passed by, bearing along with great toil an ear of corn he was taking to the nest. "Why not come and chat with me," said the Grasshopper, "instead of toiling and moiling in that way?" "I am helping to lay up food for the winter," said the Ant, "and recommend you to do the same." "Why bother about winter?" said the Grasshopper; "we have got plenty of food at present." But the Ant went on its way and continued its toil. As the summer progressed more grasshoppers gathered to hop and chirp together. Soon there were millions. They became a swarm and destroyed everything in their path including the ants.

Moral of the story: Kill the lazy while you still have a chance.

No. Let's try again.

The Ant and the Grasshopper

In a field one summer's day a Grasshopper was hopping about, chirping and singing to its heart's content. An Ant passed by, bearing along with great toil an ear of corn he was taking to the nest. "Why not come and chat with me," said the Grasshopper, "instead of toiling and moiling in that way?" "I am helping to lay up food for the winter," said the Ant, "and recommend you to do the same." "Why bother about winter?" said the Grasshopper; "we have got plenty of food at present." But the Ant went on its way and continued its toil. When the winter came the Grasshopper had no food, and found itself dying of hunger, while it saw the ants distributing every day corn and grain from the stores they had collected in the summer. Then the Grasshopper laid on top of the ant's hill for warmth and died. The Ant found Grasshopper's body the next day and drug him in for food.

Moral of the story: Grasshoppers are an excellent source of protein.

No. That's not it either. We'll try one more time.

The Ant and the Grasshopper

In a field one summer's day a Grasshopper was hopping about, chirping and singing to its heart's content. An Ant passed by, bearing along with great toil an ear of corn he was taking to the nest. "Why not come and chat with me," said the Grasshopper, "instead of toiling and moiling in that way?" "I am helping to lay up food for the winter," said the Ant, "and recommend you to do the same." "Why bother about winter?" said the Grasshopper; "we have got plenty of food at present." But the Ant went on its way and continued its toil. The next day a rain storm flooded the area. Grasshopper lacking any possessions hopped up into a tree for safety. Ant thought the storm would be minor and was reluctant to leave his nest. By the time Ant realized the severity of the storm it was too late to escape and was washed away.

Moral of the story: Don't get weighed down by your possessions.

NO NO NO

All of these versions are stupid and wrong.

What is wrong with me today?

I quit.

excerpt from my essay on alcohol

excerpt from my essay on alcohol

Alcohol is the best legal drug available. It makes ugly people attractive and stupid things seem reasonable. It is a coping mechanism that functions like a leaking rowboat; an incredibly fun leaking rowboat that will carry you far enough out into the dark waters of oblivion to really, truly fuck up your life.

..suffocating..

..suffocating..


endless lightning storms of camera flashes and yells of rude forceful men, many of them would stalk her to the ends of the earth for an opportunity to photograph her death. the best photo would be worth millions

..suffocating in the car as they stood at the ready, waiting for her to exit..

..running..

no matter how fast she ran they could run faster, always stalking, always preying, always on the prowl and ready to pounce

..through the front door, the pap close behind..

just need some quiet. only a moment. the bathroom


..bubble of silence..

the scuffle of feet and shouting outside. They would wait outside the door listening for any sound until she became unfamous. Even past her death, fame being transferable into the post-mortem realm. But at least it was relatively quiet, the bubble of silence like a protective womb. That's how far life had become unreal, a cold, sometimes sterilized bathroom that was used by thousands felt like a comforting womb

..collapsing to the floor..

the wails had to be silent and tearless so that they wouldn't know or hear or see ruined makeup

..self-strangulation..

she cut off the emotion from externalizing but inside was a storm beaten house, long neglected, constantly dark and in disrepair. the winds slammed trees against the side and caused the house to moan. the creaks of the boards and wind sounding like a million voices outside trying to get at her. but the voices weren't real. or were they?

A little girl steps out of the shadows and walks up behind the poor woman lying on the floor and begins petting her wildly tangled hair

"Are you okay? It looked like you were crying. Why were you crying?"

"I'm feeling better now. I was crying because I feel so alone. No one seems to really care about me. Everyone wants to use me."

"I feel sad sometimes but I'm lucky. I have many sisters and we play together. We were left here alone long ago."

"How did you survive?"

"I don't know. We did and that's all I know. Soon we'll be better than ever."

"What do you mea..."

The little girl's hands stiffened and grabbed the woman around the throat. Her claws sank into the woman's throat and ruby droplets ran over the dirty jagged talons.

WHY DID YOU LEAVE US HERE ALONE

YOU NEVER BROUGHT US FOOD

SO NOW WE WILL EAT YOU

The girl continued screaming wildly and choking the woman even after she was dead. There had been little struggle. The woman had barely fought back and now she was sprawled upon the floor, red gushing out then slowing where the little girl's nails had punctured an artery in the woman's neck.

More little girls began creeping out of the shadows and they began sucking blood out of the hole and then licking the floor. Then they ate the fingers and toes and arms and abdomen and everything else. They found a precious little baby inside, it was delicious and tender.

The skeletons were wrapped in a filthy blanket and thrown into a closet.

Laying on the floor with fattened bellies they giggled and moaned in agony.

"What should we do now?"

"Lets go out and play."

"But how? Only one can be in control at a time."

"We'll take turns."

"I want to go first.", said one with a cute British accent.

"Yes. Her first and then we'll switch."

..standing up..
..washing hands..
..impish smile..

"This will be the most fun ever."

Parable of the Sheep

Parable of the Sheep

Once there was a flock of sheep with a very nice shepherd. He was tall, strong, caring and understanding. He would run and rescue the fallen and would always know where to find the best grass.

Then one night while standing next to his little fire he fell over dead. The sheep thought he was asleep because sheep are stupid and think that sleep and dying are the same thing. After a few days they began to run out of grass and the shepherd was beginning to stink. They were slowly realizing something was very wrong. One sheep became hungry and decided to leave. Her friends were very hungry as well and decided to follow. Soon the rest of the flock realized they were hungry as well and followed the one who had made any sort of decision at all.

5 days later all of the sheep were starving. The first little sheep had no idea where she was going and had led everyone into a desert. A group of her friends were so angry that they kicked her to death for betraying their misguided trust. It was far easier to blame the one little sheep for accidentally leading than all of themselves for blindly following. Later that evening the friends discovered raw mutton is delicious when one is starving. They also decided it would be a good idea to make a solemn pact with each other never to discuss the "Mutton Incident".

The group that had originally killed their friend branded themselves "The Just" ones. Sheep are stupid and will believe anything that a group of popular and respected sheep say and quickly followed their direction. The Just decided to send out 6 sheep in 6 different directions to find grass. The first one that came back would be hailed a hero and they would follow the hero's path. If the others came back they would be out of luck and it would be their fault that they got left behind, they should have tried harder.

3 days later the hero returned and the group followed his lead. They journeyed over rocks and between mountains (sheep began disappearing mysteriously in the middle of the night and just as mysteriously the Just stayed robust looking while all the other sheep began looking more and more pathetic) and eventually ran into a rushing stream that looked like a raging river to their fear-soaked minds. Fortunately there was a path of rocks across the water that would lead them to a pasture of delicious green grass on the other side and the sheep became very excited.

As they were crossing a large splash was heard. One of the more stupid and useless members of the flock had fallen in and was being carried away by the current. A second splash was heard and they saw what appeared to be a wolf rescuing that poor clumsy sheep.

It was in fact a wolf. The wolf's name was Maurice. He was big, strong and spoke confidently with great care in his voice. Everyone loved him more than they had loved the shepherd (whose name was Bob, a very boring and unlikable name). The Just were of course just stupid sheep like themselves who hadn't even tried to rescue the sheep that had fallen in and it made no sense to follow them when they had Maurice as a leader.

Maurice knew where all of the best grass was and the flock grew healthy again. One day he told them he knew a really great place to get a nearly inexhaustible supply of grass because it was at the top of the tallest mountain and no other animals went there.

The sheep trusted Maurice and they began climbing. The way was harsh but the grass would be worth it. After a week of climbing they arrived. It was a paradise. Water fell from a glacier above and misted their valley while the high cliffs sheltered it from the wind and the area was easily defended. The pure mountain grass was sweet and delicious and everyone was happy for like 5 days. Then they got bored. There was nothing to fear. So Maurice pushed one of the ungrateful little bastards off a nearby cliff. And then they were scared to speak up too loudly and all was well again with the flock.

The moral of the story: Parables are really just long manipulative lies that are intentionally indirect so that they aren't subject to strict scrutiny but the themes mirror the emotions of the listener and can have a huge impact.

Srsly, sheep can't fucking talk and a wolf named Maurice? That's probably the stupidest thing ever written.

final notice

final notice

Dear Universe 4A-179-BB,

This letter is in regards to your existence.

First of all I'm sorry.

When I created you I was young and very alone. I had a lot of free time to watch and pay attention to the happenings of your worlds. You were my first truly successful universe. I was incredibly lucky to get 17 planets capable of sustaining semi-intelligent life. Even though it was almost completely by accident yours was a very fortuitous explosion. Not one of my friends has ever gotten half as many live-able planets.

I enjoyed observing the growth of your civilizations. Keeping records of planetary progress and retarding some planets while advancing others amused me for ages. You were what kept me alive, I can't describe how watching you struggle against the grimmest odds to eek out a meager existence gave me hope in my darkest hours.

Unfortunately my creation wasn't perfect and I grew impatient at times trying to fix the problems. Humans, who I truly did make in my own image, were the worst for me. I gave them everything, including my own race's problems: the capacity for infinite cruelty and a limited capacity for happiness. The illusion of empathy cursed them to be miserable no matter how hard they tried to avoid it. I was pleased when they discovered the art of stillness, to stop moving forward meant that they weren't subject to the same levels of suffering as those who felt they must progress constantly. Their struggles were mostly pointless because of the falling back they had to continuously endure as they aged.

Sadly most of them never discovered the benefits of stillness and continued trying to move forward. I suffer the same fate, even though I truly envy that particular quality in my elders.

Once your universe was in motion, to fix it would have probably cause its destruction. The few times that I directly meddled with a planet's physical aspects caused drastic results, generally killing almost all life upon it. I must shamefully admit that usually when I tweaked your planets it was due to anger and frustration
, often a clumsy and indirect attempt to deal with my own problems. I was quite immature then and it pains me to think of the suffering I caused. In spite of my often insane actions, rumors quickly spread that I am all-knowing, all-powerful and many other ridiculous things that I never claimed to be. Some of the humans even believed that I sent my son to them, which is even more ridiculous as I've never had any children and never will. You are small and pitiful creatures who could not possibly understand the complexity of what contains your universe but assuming that I'm all-anything is stupid. I have limits just like everyone else and those limits are beyond anything you can possibly comprehend without relying on wildly abstract concepts.

Other universes followed yours, better balanced and more expertly created but those were never special to me. They were only projects to pass the time. Then a major event happened, it's why I let the universes fall into neglect and slowly forgot to provide any further guidance or care.

One day I met a wonderful girl and we fell deeply in love. After we were together for the required amount of time by law, we promised ourselves to each other eternally. As a symbol of my trust I gave her my most precious creation and implanted you into a tiny freckle on the tip of her slightly curved nose which perfectly accented the most beautiful face I'll ever see. Every time I looked at her I saw you and when I thought of you I couldn't help but think of her.

But now she has betrayed that trust.

A few moments ago I beat them to death with my bare hands and smashed their skulls and genitals with a boulder. Even now the pyre is burning that will consume the 3 of us and all of you as well.

My only remorse in regards to you is that I wish I had made your universe more beautiful, more wonderful and more perfect. If I had been more competent, infinite amounts of pain could have been spared to countless trillions.

I wish you the best in your next big bang.

With kindest regards,
god