Parable of the Sheep

Parable of the Sheep

Once there was a flock of sheep with a very nice shepherd. He was tall, strong, caring and understanding. He would run and rescue the fallen and would always know where to find the best grass.

Then one night while standing next to his little fire he fell over dead. The sheep thought he was asleep because sheep are stupid and think that sleep and dying are the same thing. After a few days they began to run out of grass and the shepherd was beginning to stink. They were slowly realizing something was very wrong. One sheep became hungry and decided to leave. Her friends were very hungry as well and decided to follow. Soon the rest of the flock realized they were hungry as well and followed the one who had made any sort of decision at all.

5 days later all of the sheep were starving. The first little sheep had no idea where she was going and had led everyone into a desert. A group of her friends were so angry that they kicked her to death for betraying their misguided trust. It was far easier to blame the one little sheep for accidentally leading than all of themselves for blindly following. Later that evening the friends discovered raw mutton is delicious when one is starving. They also decided it would be a good idea to make a solemn pact with each other never to discuss the "Mutton Incident".

The group that had originally killed their friend branded themselves "The Just" ones. Sheep are stupid and will believe anything that a group of popular and respected sheep say and quickly followed their direction. The Just decided to send out 6 sheep in 6 different directions to find grass. The first one that came back would be hailed a hero and they would follow the hero's path. If the others came back they would be out of luck and it would be their fault that they got left behind, they should have tried harder.

3 days later the hero returned and the group followed his lead. They journeyed over rocks and between mountains (sheep began disappearing mysteriously in the middle of the night and just as mysteriously the Just stayed robust looking while all the other sheep began looking more and more pathetic) and eventually ran into a rushing stream that looked like a raging river to their fear-soaked minds. Fortunately there was a path of rocks across the water that would lead them to a pasture of delicious green grass on the other side and the sheep became very excited.

As they were crossing a large splash was heard. One of the more stupid and useless members of the flock had fallen in and was being carried away by the current. A second splash was heard and they saw what appeared to be a wolf rescuing that poor clumsy sheep.

It was in fact a wolf. The wolf's name was Maurice. He was big, strong and spoke confidently with great care in his voice. Everyone loved him more than they had loved the shepherd (whose name was Bob, a very boring and unlikable name). The Just were of course just stupid sheep like themselves who hadn't even tried to rescue the sheep that had fallen in and it made no sense to follow them when they had Maurice as a leader.

Maurice knew where all of the best grass was and the flock grew healthy again. One day he told them he knew a really great place to get a nearly inexhaustible supply of grass because it was at the top of the tallest mountain and no other animals went there.

The sheep trusted Maurice and they began climbing. The way was harsh but the grass would be worth it. After a week of climbing they arrived. It was a paradise. Water fell from a glacier above and misted their valley while the high cliffs sheltered it from the wind and the area was easily defended. The pure mountain grass was sweet and delicious and everyone was happy for like 5 days. Then they got bored. There was nothing to fear. So Maurice pushed one of the ungrateful little bastards off a nearby cliff. And then they were scared to speak up too loudly and all was well again with the flock.

The moral of the story: Parables are really just long manipulative lies that are intentionally indirect so that they aren't subject to strict scrutiny but the themes mirror the emotions of the listener and can have a huge impact.

Srsly, sheep can't fucking talk and a wolf named Maurice? That's probably the stupidest thing ever written.